I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize