your parents love me but you hate me
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
