I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Found your dick twin last night
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
