if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
