You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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