Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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