Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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