he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
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