He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
