So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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