My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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