she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
