He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
