just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
