My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Don't make out with my wife yet
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize