when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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