I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
