i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She's the barista slut.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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