Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
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You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
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The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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