just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
