That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
