she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
