I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
