did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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