Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
