dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
