u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Randomize
