i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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