talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
