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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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