i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
