sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
