a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
And then he peed in my hair
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
