yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
