guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
