I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
