I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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