wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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