oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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