My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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