Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
