I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
