My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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