You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
