things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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