Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
