I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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