Sry I called you an 8
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
