I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
