you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
