yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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