We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm always down for nudity.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
