when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
