i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
