sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
