i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
