Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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