i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
