I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
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