Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I got inside last night via doggy door
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
