true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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