I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
