You just made me feel so damn special
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
