Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
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