I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
