So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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