@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
