ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
