all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
