If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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