we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
