I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
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My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
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I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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