Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm really busy with my period
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