I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
